Dealing with "Life as Always after Being Kicked Out of Heaven"
QUESTION: "This is no joke, and I am reluctant to really talk to anyone about it, as I am usually dismissed as just having a psychological subconscious problem.
"What happened was not any attempt on my subconscious or self-preservation need or anything else. To explain, I had just been killed dead as you can get after being hit from behind on my bicycle by a 3/4 ton pick-up truck doing 30 mph. I used to race motorcycles professionally. I have crashed many times very badly. I have been severly ravaged by 25'-plus waves while surfing, but never have I actually felt - 'This was it.'
"People say that people who get killed 'instantly' never knew what happened, it was so quick. Don't kid yourself. I heard the screech of tires braking and heard the loud bang and I knew instantly what had happened. I also knew immediately that - 'This was it' and I had bought the farm!!!
"I am not a serious Lutheran Christian, but I figured that since the 'jig' was up I better do something fast. I quickly got out: 'Father forgive me.' I have never used those words before in my life until Sunday, September 6, 1997, 2:15 pm.
"The real shock of my life came next when I was answered by a very strong voice which said, 'My son, you are forgiven' or 'You are forgiven my son.' The answer so shocked me, I could not reconcile my thoughts as things happened fast. The real shock came next as I realized I was literally suspended in 'eternal infinity.' There was a darkness of total black such as you could never experience on the darkest night with your eyes closed. I was totally aware of my presence in the sense of 360 degree in all directions. I felt no euphoria or pain or remorse or fear, but a total and complete sense of complete 'infinity' - absolute oneness with an infinite universe. "The final shock came when I noticed light begin to appear around the periphery of my consciousness. I immediately realized I had made the mistake of my existence, because I was going back to the world of the living. I could only imagine what condition my body must be in.
"My spine was severely damaged and a few ribs broken. I finally ended up on Social Security Disability, but my physical problems are nothing compared to my emotional problems. I can honestly tell anyone afraid of death, that it was the most overwhelming, non-stressful few minutes of my entire existence. Unfortunately, I really feel like I got cheated by being sent back to this world.
"I am not lacking financially. My physical pain is only a non-stop aggravating nuisance. I have gone on with my life and achieved several academic goals I had been putting off, and started a new business, etc. Big Deal. It all pales in light of what I know ultimately awaits me.
"I hate to say this or share this with you, but it is clear that the law of 'conservation of matter and energy' is true. Neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed. The universe is both finite and infinite at the same time. I only wish someone could understand and internalize what I experienced, and maybe offer some comment. I don't think my knowledge of death is something that should really be known by anyone. It is a very strange burden. I wonder if it is a punishment sometimes.
"Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated."....Steve
ANSWER: Steve, many near-death experiencers feel as if they were "kicked out of heaven," as they preferred to stay where they were and not come back to "life as always." These people claim that our world here is like "black and white" compared to the full spectrum of colors, even colors more beautiful than here, that are present on the other side of death. If you ever have the opportunity to read my book, "Future Memory," you'll have some idea of how I was forced to reconsider the real from the unreal, the difference between what exists and what really exists. Should you ever read the book, however, allow me to give you this caution: "Future Memory" is not a book. It is a labyrinth. Because this is so, you cannot skip around in reading it or you will wonder why I ever wrote such a dumb book. The text will not hold together and will make little or no sense. If you read it straight through, not only will it make sense, your consciousness will change and lift and grow. That's the purpose of the book, actually, even though it explores the innerworkings of creation and consciousness. My deaths occurred in 1977, three in three months. Later that year I had three relapses. It was necessary for me to relearn how to walk, stand, run, climb stairs, crawl, tell the difference between left and right, see properly, hear properly, and rebuild all of my belief systems. I say this simply to convey that I understand where you are coming from, at least in part.
Don't believe anyone who says you were hallucinating or having a "psychotic break." What you described sounds to me like a full-blown near-death experience, and what you are now "growing through" sounds to me like dealing with the aftereffects. Please, please, please, get my book, "The Big Book of Near-Death Experiences," so you have the latest findings available, and so you can have a better sense of aftereffects - the pattern of physiological and psychological aftereffects, and what people go through in dealing with them. Not everyone appreciates the aftereffects - most of us have undergone many challenges with them, and the book speaks to this.
It is impossible for me in a brief e-mail to describe what I would like to about the aftereffects, and what it is like integrating one's experience, as well as learning how to live with the changes you have undergone. You are not the same person, and you never will be. But you can become larger, better, stronger, wiser, happier than you ever thought possible - once you embrace what has happened to you, what you have seen and now know, and the new you you have become. I did. You can. Do a little more reading, friend, then join IANDS (International Association for Near-Death Studies), so you can be with the rest of us (your peer group), and invite change into your life, and more and more of it, because it will come. And change is good, even though it may not feel like it is at the time.
Many blessings, PMH
While checking out how some of my books are doing over www.amazon.com, I was taken aback by comments in the "Reviews" section. The two I checked were "The Big Book of Near-Death Experiences" and "We Live Forever." Here's what I found:
** "The Big Book of Near-Death Experiences" - one of the researchers of near-death states who has never liked my work, proceeded to strip the book to pieces based on his insistence that only statistical protocols are valid, and what I did was, in essence, little more than nonsense. He failed to note that must of the material in the book came from other people, much of it based on clinical findings. This man has ripped apart my work before. His tirade against me began some time ago when I refused to review a book he had co-authored with another researcher. His publisher had mailed it to me without first asking for permission. I did read the entire book, then returned it without endorsement, as I considered the research it contained superficial and of little value. His publisher forwarded my letter to him. He was insensed, and has been on my case ever since. Should you wish to read a previous attack against me by him, just access my website at www.pmhatwater.com, and check out the Article Section. All of the controversy surrounding the ill-fated publication of my book "Children of the New Millennium" is posted, so readers can make up their own minds for themselves. I have never at any time claimed to be a scientist or a scholar. All of my work is original fieldwork, my protocol that of police investigative techniques. Should you wish verification of what I do, again, just check my website, and look for that section that defends my protocol by a man who once taught police science for many years.
** "We Live Forever" - a woman who reviewed the book had trouble with that chapter where I briefly relayed my three near-death experiences. She just couldn't accept my story, especially the fact that I had not sued the doctor who had mistreated me. I made no claim in the book to presenting my entire case, as it would have overwhelmed the book. I simply relayed enough to carry the theme of the book. As concerns the "bad" doctor, I had planned to sue him, and had consulted a lawyer, but two other of his patients beat me to the "punch," netting front page headlines in our newspaper. It was never my intention to go for "blood money" - rather to warn others to stay away from this man. Since my job was now done and the man would be punished, I withdrew my complaint. Actually, several readers had problems with my personal story. Reading what they wrote, brought to mind what has now happened in this country because of television documentaries and talk shows - and that is, the public now expects all near-death experiences to follow a stereo-typical style that always happens in hospitals. This is blatantly false. The public is being conditioned to accept misinformation because of the relentless drive of the media to always produce that which is sensational - demanding that the next case be more spectacular than the last - and that it fit in with what the television crew is capable of filming. This has not only warped the truth, but, a number of near-death experiencers are now writing books filled with absolutes, as if they and they alone knew what happens after death and how the universe runs. Near-death experiencers today are little more than entertainers. Please, folks, pay attention to the research. There is no "one size fits all" with the stories and what people can expect after death, and no experiencer who can do any more than share what he or she glimpsed of the Greater Story - and that's all they got, a glimpse. There is mystery here. Let's not cheapen it.
Thank you, PMH