CONTRIBUTION / NDE – STORY

I’ve tried something new this time.  Instead of the usual question and answer format, I’m featuring the story of Anne Marie, the near-death experience she had, and how it changed her.  Her case is presented in her own words, full of emotion, joy, and pain, as she charts a new course for her life based on what she learned from her NDE.  Her story is quite gripping, and it is long.  Although the pattern of the near-death scenario is universal, each experiencer differs to some degree from that pattern.  Any given experiencer will “color” and interpret what happened to them, and is still happening, according to their own use of language and belief system.  PMH

My name is Anne.  

3 years ago...

“Behold, the Kingdom of God is Within You, Ye are Gods” 

MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

March 8, 2015

It appeared to begin the night before...

Did God have a divine plan?

I wonder, as I look back now a year later..

I was at a poker tournament with my boyfriend, at the final table (which I had been many times before) I mentioned to my boyfriend, something was up, I didn't feel right, I was sweating, experiencing high anxiety feeling, shaking. It wasn't nerves, I said "I just don't feel right"

We went home, he fell asleep and as I cuddled up behind him spooning, I fell asleep in a dream so vivid. I woke up hysterically sobbing. It was Jesus SURRENDERED on the cross. The Romans crossed his ankles and were pounding a ROMAN STAKE through BOTH of his ankles on the cross. The excruciating pain I felt for him, I felt all his pain and suffering. I woke up sobbing, sad, grief stricken that another human could possibly do this to another. 

I was very shocked and confused at the vividness of this dream.

I was hysterically sobbing...

3 am..boyfriend leaves to go work an hour away where he lived.

12 pm...girlfriend brings a newspaper article over on adoption laws that had changed. I had been adopted 3 times when I was younger. Last time I was adopted was in a time frame where you weren't able to open any medical or family files. They had just changed the LAW and it was on the news; that now any of my biological family were required to register with the state and would have access to finding me. This seemed a little overwhelming.

My whole life seemed to be changing right before my eyes. It had been 50 years of living without them.

Didn't even read the article, she just briefly mentioned what it was about and then we began talking of my childhood, and....

It began with chest pains, I was holding my chest for a while as we sat and talked; it felt like my heart had clamped down tight.

I began hyperventilating and my heart felt like it was popping out of my chest. All the sudden I became weak and cold, said I need to lay down on floor.

The feeling of tingles/needles went through my arms as I went numb and cold; felt like a car was sitting on my chest; I was uncontrollably shivering. She went to get me the heating blanket, propped my feet up with pillows as I laid SURRENDERED on the floor in a cross position. 

I was screaming in pain from my chest. My girlfriend went to get my phone to call 911 and for some reason RIGHT THEN I KNEW that something was happening, unfolding and I heard a soft, inner voice say "LAY THERE AND TAKE IT" as I went in and out of consciousness and pain!

I went to go grab the phone from her and I was PARALYZED, I couldn't move and it really freaked me out. Shocked, all I could do is 'lay there and take it'.

I seemed to have this 'super' awareness of everything within me and around me.

I wondered "what's happening" and I realized that I was RESISTING what was happening and if I continued to resist (which seemed to be what a heart attack was) I wasn't getting off the floor...

She asked "why don't you want me to call the medics, why won't you take care of yourself-

(she knew that I wasn't a fan of doctors, I've done everything naturally)

As she kneeled down on the floor beside me.

I said "look at me," because I knew I had to see her eyes for her to grant me my wish.

I said "Can you be okay that NEITHER of us understand what is happening right now (not realizing SHE did) and just ALLOW it to UNFOLD...

As I began to feel this bliss and peace wash over me in such euphoric waves as nothing i had ever experienced before; I felt my clinging and grasping to the external world disappear, 

There was a deep surrender within me.

I said to her "I am not afraid to die, just let me go".

She reluctantly promised she wouldn't call and proceeded to call my boyfriend instead. 

I can hear her talking to him in the next room as if I was standing right beside her, saying, she's white as a ghost, I'm losing her and I promised her I wouldn't call the squad, can you come?

At this point I am seeing memories of my life and having feelings and questions of HAVE I DONE EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO DO IN THIS LIFE? I had visions of my son and how he would respond to my death, as he was out on his own and just had his own son.

I felt at PEACE with leaving them.

I felt totally at peace with leaving this earth...

In and out of the pain as waves of bliss and peace washed through me; it all seemed to be happening simultaneously.

I was FULLY AWARE I seemed to be in 2 places at once, which was curious to me, Yet I WAS EVERYWHERE, I could see inside and outside of my house..

My girlfriend was rambling on, angrily, I just wanted her to leave me alone.

I could FEEL EVERYTHING so intensely!

I remember saying "Wow, I feel Jesus on the cross"

I remember my girlfriend yell at me and say I was talking crazy...

I heard her say she needed to go home to take her blood pressure medicine as she laid the phone by my ear on a pillow with my boyfriend on the other line! I could hear him talking, but wasn't sure if he could hear me, or if I was even speaking..

I was AWARE of the pain at some moments and then there would be moments of bliss and peace wash over me and I could no longer feel in my body or pain! 

I was curious about how I could see EVERYTHING as if I was 'not in my body' yet I could also hear everything and the pain would disappear...

This bliss and peace would wash over me as I would move in and out of consciousness, I was mesmerized by this. It was NOTHING I had ever experienced before. WOW, was this God? Was this me? What was this incredible, delightful bliss and peace. 

Then I was given 'It's me minus my conscious mind" Ahhhh, I just wanted to stay in this place.

I thought, wow, this must be what drug users are trying to get to, this high, peace, euphoria; as I would move in and out of consciousness I felt curious about it all.

I FELT This DEEP SURRENDER within me as my body layed paralyzed...

I could only ALLOW what was unfolding to have it's way with me.

I was surrendered. I was totally at peace with dying...

Before she left me, I remember her picking up my wrist, crying hysterically "why would you do this to me"

IT WENT DARK and totally quiet as my life in memories were passing before my eyes.

Next seemed to be a life review.

I began the journey, I was SHOWN energy patterns. I was presented with a shadow of a person when i was younger that I had hurt. 

Energies showed me something I did to someone when I was young. There was no face of the person, it was an essence, energy or shadow. That's the best way to describe it

I hurt this someone and they FELT HURT=PAIN and they in turn energetically; I received the energy back to me as HURT & PAIN & I received the hurt; it was a circular energy that automatically returned what was given. 

This energy was circulating back and forth, back and forth-as if it had intelligence and was 'showing' me what was true.

We were just exchanging this energy between each other and if we wanted the energy to change, ONE of us had to be conscious to change the energy.

Hmmm, whatever was projected out, was sent right back, as a circular motion from the sender.

I was the receiver and the giver.

It was very clear to me. The energy showed me there was no difference, we were just projecting it all; projecting the energy back and forth. 

We are all transmitters and receivers of this energy.

I was shown the energy of GIVING and RECEIVING were the same energy. There was no seperation or difference in this energy. 

I REALIZED in the moment that we were ONE, that the meaning of GIVE and YOU SHALL RECEIVE was in this energy that we exchange with each other, whether love or hurt; that whatever I gave another, I was TRULY giving to myself. 

It's alot to comprehend, I know, but I was actually shown through an energy exchange of how it works and it wasn't anything that I was taught on earth.

I was EXPERIENCING the same energy that the other one was and I KNEW this.

(Later I would have a realization, If I'm not able to give another a million dollars, how am I going to be OPEN to receive a million dollars.

We are one, there is no difference in the giving and receiving, it's a flow of energy when left unrestricted.

If I'm open to give a million dollars then I'm open to receive it.) 

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF, 

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU!!!!

This was soooo clear to me...

Once I began to deeply understand it within, the energy would move to a new 'lesson' of 'wisdom'.

This energy swirled within and was showing me more patterns, then....

I was IN and SURROUNDED by and SHOWN this EVER PRESENT PURE INTENSE ONE POINTED FOCAL POINT OF AWARENESS; AWARENESS where EVERYTHING was HAPPENING NOW, in the only moment there ever was. This pure intent of awareness. I was this NOW awareness, this one point! This focal point of awareness was 'me'. 

Simple as that.

There was NO OTHER TIME BUT NOW and where I was in this point. Everything was happening simultaneously in this focal point of NOWNESS.

It was so clear to me, that to HAVE anything was NOW. There was nothing else. This was so perfectly clear to me in my experience.

NOW I UNDERSTOOD & EXPERIENCED it..

I SAW EVERYTHING was happening in the Moment of NOW. A place of complete, pure silence of  perfection, a void, nothingness.

Everything existed in this place, yet my pure attention of awareness was only Now. 

My point was purely aware of now, as everything was flowing around me.  As if I was the center of the Universe. I was in the Universe, but I was this one point; where everything flowed around this one point.

It was this place of incredible, quiet, timelessness of PERFECTION that I felt so intensely...

I became AWARE of what we call miracles are just manafestations within this place of awareness beyond the mind.

Where in this quiet, peaceful place; there is a KNOWING everything is NOW perfect; this is a place where nothing is lacking, and which EVERYTHING exist.

Everything is this PERFECTION!

Perfect as it is in the moment, I felt it so intensely. I KNEW in that moment I HAD EVERYTHING, I WAS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING was me, EVERYTHING was already HERE NOW, there was no lacking, no wanting for anything; there was only a HAVING, a total NOWNESS, a ONENESS of total perfection, total knowing that ALL was provided for always in this place!!!! WOW!

(Be ye perfect as your father in heaven, your father knows your need before you ask)

After digesting this wisdom deeply within , then suddenly.......

I became ENGULFED and EMBRACED by this LOVING GOLDEN LIGHT.  

This loving light, totally surrounded me; completely engulfing and embracing me.

It wrapped it's golden liquid love around me. 

It held me in a very indescribable, incredible, intimate, loving embrace. I experienced a very, very deep knowing in every fiber of my being and cells that I was loved; totally accepted and PERFECT as I was, where I was. 

As I deeply rested; surrendered within this loving golden liquid love lights embrace it lovingly, patiently held me in all that I was experiencing in the moment as I was assimilating the experience.

The light was sooo comforting and held me as i was afraid.

I asked what the light was, it answered in a telepathic way; total acceptance, unconditional love.

PERFECTION of all that is. 

As the love light moved 'through' me, and held me; it moved through and embraced my fears, it embraced all my judgments of life, about others and myself. Also, anything I had did or felt I didn't do for others or myself was being embraced in this love.

The golden light continued to embrace all my ideas, beliefs, 

memories, stories of myself, expectations, fears and disappointments.  As all these arose within my awareness they dissolved into this love; all was seemingly engulfed into this loving embrace and no longer existed. 

As the loving light continued to embrace itself around me, I was aware the light seemed to KNOW what was happening within me and around me. The golden light knew me intimately. 

This was intriguing.

The golden light, lovingly held me, totally embracing me until EVERYTHING had dissolved into this love; and I DEEPLY resonated; merged with the loving embrace of the golden love itself.

After everything was dissolved into this love. 

I was at total peace.

As I understood what was happening, I asked the question is that God? 

Yes, that's YOU, GOD, LOVE, LIGHT!!!!!! 

You are the light of the world, God is Love, Let your light shine, Don't hide your light; all these bible verses came to me.

Peace, be still and KNOW that I AM GOD! 

Return to the fathers house, Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and ALL things shall be given to you. Love is the greatest of all, out of the mouth the heart speaks, Love casteth out all fear....

On and on these verses flashed before me to confirm verses that I didn't think i knew.....

Later, I realized I was being shown what to do for myself and others.

To hold this loving, embracing, accepting sacred space for myself and others in the human minds judgments.

As I deeply integrated the loving, light experience; energy began flowing again, back and forth, back and forth again.

(I was off to the next adventure, as if it was divenly orchestrated)

I was shown the expansiveness of the universe and the energy of it all and the vastness that was WITHIN me.

I was the UNIVERSE, and the Universe was within me, I was shown this, I KNEW this intimately.

I was shown through energy that I was ONE with ALL THAT IS, ALL THAT EVER WAS and ALL THAT WILL EVER BE. ALL THAT EXISTED was within me. 

I was shown this and experienced this within every fiber of my Being.

EVERYTHING WAS CONNECTED.

I KNEW in this place of ONENESS that I was connected to everyone and everything. 

There absolutely was no seperation.

I was shown we are all one energy connected within and expressed externally in our environment to reflect this oneness.

As the messages were downloading within me, I would 'get it' and deeper wisdom would continue to unfold......

I then realized our seperation is at birth when we are born into the human condition and develop a human mind, where we lose our awareness of the truth, our oneness and unconditional love self that we really are; the one point focal point of awareness in which everything simply passes through.  

We are life itself flowing.

I deeply realized we are the love of the world.

We are it all, reflecting it all; whatever is within us, is being projected onto the screen of our mind. Whatever we project is being reflected, mirrored back to us through our external world, so called reality in which we get to 'experience' ourselves as in the energy of giving and receiving.

I could have a thought and INSTANTLY be somewhere and KNOW where someone was or how they were feeling, as I deeply received and integrated this message, I was then presented with....

A movie reel appearing in front of me.  Again, this swirling energy appeared as flowing, dancing shadows, moving in a dancing, flowing motion. 

Watching this was entertaining for a while.

Curiously I remember asking "Hmmm, what is this" "Why am I seeing this" and INSTANTLY the movie reel STOPPED'.

It stopped with the sounds of loud screams and crys. What appeared were shadows of 3 people. One woman, one man and a baby (about 6 months old) the baby was resting on the woman's hips...

I could hear adult screams of NO...NO...NO

Curiously I asked "Hmm, what is this" WHO IS THIS, and WHY AM I SEEING THIS....

INSTANTLY, I KNEW-I was shown that the woman was my biological mother, the baby was me and the man seemed to be someone from children's services.

WOW, ASK & IT SHALL BE GIVEN INSTANTLY!

I REALIZED that my THOUGHTS were INSTANT and that i could ASK anything and get a INSTANT response.

Fascinated by the INSTANT responses I was receiving, I wondered WHY we can't do this on earth? And then I was given the sense that we can, but our conscious mind is in the way, blocking the flow.

As I observed the screaming cries and the shadows, I KNEW and understood it was the moment when my biological mother gave me up for adoption and there was alot of pain and RESISTANCE to what was going on for ALL who were involved there!

I KNEW this deeply within.....

There was NO language, everything was shown to me in energy and KNOWINGS: telepathically i was given the answers, knowings...

As I was continuing to be curious of this still point in front of me and the situation...

I REALIZED that I had been resisting, fighting, and saying NO to what was my whole entire life....

As that REVELATION deeply resonated within me, and I digested it, I had a knowing of clarity that this was true and I came to understand this on a very, very deep level; that my judgment of how my childhood had been and my resisting and fighting WHAT WAS my life; how my life was and my whole life story and memories is what had caused all my pain and mental suffering for 50 years and possibly why I was laying on the floor, 

I was the ONE who had been SCREAMING 'NO" inside my entire life. I had been saying NO to my childhood and everything that happened, judging and not liking any of my early experiences and which the NO continued on into my adult life with all the judgments. I had been doing this my whole entire life. WOW, what a revelation to see this.

I was and had been creating my whole life through this 'internal fight' that I had WITHIN me and I was projecting it onto the 'external' world around me; I was actually shown a movie screen and then shown what I had been doing; living my life.

Like a movie screen; the movie screen is black-blank=perfect until you begin to place PROJECTIONS onto it, then whatever you project onto it is an experience. 

(WOW, just felt like I got hit with a WAMMY upside my head)

I had a thought "I wonder if I had said YES to everything" and accepted my life experiences; would my life have been different?

I received a very distinct 'knowing' that it would have been very much a different experience. 

It was such a deeply profound realization.....

As I knowingly understood it clearly, there was a loud CLICK WITHIN me 

(like Dorothy clicking her heels-lol)

as if I GOT IT and I was back in my body, raised up off the floor, PATTING myself down "SCREAMING, I"M ALIVE" "I'M ALIVE" meanwhile SIMULTANEOUSLY my girlfriend is walking back into my house (which I already knew cause i could see her coming) as I raised off the floor, she was ASTONISHED & ASKED "WHAT HAPPENED"?

In excitement to share my experience "I asked her to come sit down and i would share.

She wanted no part of me, she was angry, and kept saying WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND what you did to me.

My girlfriend worked at assistant living and had witnessed many things, including heart attacks.

Later, found out, her father had passed of a heart attack in her arms. She knew I was having a heart attack and was passing, she felt helpless. 

These were her feelings.

When I came too everything seemed brighter, clearer, fresh as if I was seeing things for the first time like a newborn baby. 

I had been to this loving, peaceful, blissful, beautiful place and NOW seemed so depressed to be back on HELL, seemed to be; wow

A few days later, I mentioned to a friend and asked him to 'please take me to a mental hospital, I said I don't feel right, I feel FUCKED UP, nothing makes sense anymore'

He said "NO, I'M NOT, they won't ever let you out" and we both had a great belly laugh, I was serious and I think he was too. lol

I feel like I went to heaven and returned to hell.

The next day and for some time after, my body felt as if it had been SHOCKED by a 220 volt, I felt so AMPED inside, ungrounded, spacey.

Took me a while to seem to come back to earth!

I had mental, physical, emotional symptoms..

I wasn't able to work on any of these levels, the experience had impacted EVERYTHING.

I had nothing when I returned, except my experience. Hmmm

I lost everything, material, relationship and became homeless and yet; there was this LOVING space present within me, which was quite incredibly comforting.

I could FEEL this EMBRACING, ENCOMPASSING, WELCOMING, LOVING ACCEPTANCE of myself for where I was, and what i was going through. 

As if this UNCONDITIONAL LOVING EMBRACE was still with me...

Hmmmm, has it always been here and is with ALL of us, yet we are too occupied in daily responsibilities and human societial conditionings to OBSERVE it is there?

I had no car, no material posessions, no money, no job, no place to live. I had lost my apartment and became homeless. I felt I had lost my mind. 

One thing I still had with me was my 20 yr old cat who had experienced his own death experience right after mine (which seemed ironic) 

(I looked at him one day on his last night and decided I was done suffering over whether I was going to find him dead when I got home) 

I realized I had alot of fear about HIM dying and didn't want him to.  I wanted him to stay with me.  As I observed this going on 'within' me, I realized that perhaps my fear of him dying, was affecting him or maybe had something to do with his sudden illness.

His kidneys had shut down and he had a stinch so bad from his body of death. 

I decided to prove and try out this knowing of this perfection that i had just experienced.

I looked my cat in the eyes through my eyes of loving perfection. 

I said "I love you, you can go if you want to, YOUR PERFECT whether you stay or you go". I was at peace either way he chose.  

I chose to see his perfection through his seemingly imperfection in that moment. 

Unbelievable. I swear, he became PERFECT as I CLAIMED. 

Now this only created more questions!

That night he ate and drank. He has been totally 'perfect' ever since.....

Was he reflecting what I was experiencing, or was he reflecting what I was projecting? What was really happening? 

Am I PROJECTING everything onto this screen of perfection of the seemingly imperfections.

He was mirroring, perhaps giving back to me what he had received? I had more questions, inquires than ever now.  

I know it's deep, we were in an energy exchange of life and death with each other and I guess we both DECIDED to stick around for a while longer....

I've shared my experience with several people when it has arisen (not intentionally, the conversation would just arise)

Most people are fascinated, others think I'm crazy, at times I'm confronted with suicidal feelings, just wanna go back to this place and other times, I KNOW that I returned for a very distinct purpose and I'm pretty sure it has EVERYTHING to do with LOVE.

So I may as well just embrace the ride while I'm here, cause it ain't gonna be forever...

One thing I'm aware of now..

NOTHING IS FOREVER!!!!!

EVERYTHING IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING...

Only one thing is constant; God, love which is creation of all things on this earth-INCLUDING YOU!!!!

I was having a challenge being here on earth, experiencing all that I had and not feeling like anyone understood. 

Talking about my experience in an attempt to understand was NOT HAPPENING! 

It's not a normal experience to die and return, or so I thought.

So I knew I needed to find support; surely there must be others who have had this type of experience AND THERE ARE!!!!!

Finding the support in IANDS encouraged me to write this experience out and share it, as i integrate the wisdom within myself.

The whole experience seems surreal...

I feel in between worlds most of the times...

Fascinating to me, I have no desire for material gain as I did before.

My only desire seems to be to understand my experience and use it to live more fully and loving on this earth and help others in a way of knowing the truth of who we are and living from my heart. 

So much wisdom was revealed to me as I laid on the floor 'surrendered', 'laying there and allowing life to have it's way with me is 'TOTAL TRUST' in life, love, God, this knowingness continues to deepen to this day. It seems never ending.

I REALIZED that the green stuff I chased most of my life after, was just green pieces of paper; in of its own worthless. It was the heart behind the green paper that had meaning! Nothing else. 

Yet I had attached my identity to this green paper and had given it the value.  As I saw that, what a joke.

I REALIZED that when we pass, the only thing we will take with us is WHAT"S IN OUR HEARTS, our memories and our heart! THIS IS THE MEANING OF LIFE and purpose; to live as if we were dying!

Death and birth I realized are simply entry and exit points of experiences within time; yet we are life itself; aware.

The size of a poor mans grave and a rich mans are the same size and depth; no difference.

There's only one difference; what we take with us in our hearts, cause that's ALL we will be taking with us.

There was no fear of dying anymore and NOW I had to face the fear of living full out!!!

Embracing both life and death, celebrating them both...both exist and must be honored and cherished as the cycle we all will flow through.

We celebrate a birth, we need to learn to celebrate death as well! 

Death seems to be the awakening of who we really are and birth seems to be the forgetting. 

A year later, I'm still digesting everything.

I feel this has been a place of deep inner rest and integration period as my bodymind assimilates all my experiences. I feel as if I must LIVE and BE who I am to share in the world. Not by book knowledge but THROUGH TRUTH & EXPERIENTIAL wisdom!

I know that my experience has a great purpose.

The ONE theme that was GIVEN to me was SURRENDER! 

There was nothing for me to do but Surrender.

I had to SURRENDER all that was happening, TRUST in what was UNFOLDING was for my highest good. 

I was SURRENDERED in a cross position as Jesus in dream night before!

I KNEW SURRENDER was the key to life and i was learning how to SURRENDER everything to LOVE, 

To OPEN up and ALLOW the unfolding of the flow of unconditional love-God through me as loving awareness. TRUSTING THAT I AM held and surrounded in this loving golden light, which supports me and loves me always; this love is me; I have simply incarnated in a physical body to express and experience finding my way back to remembering what I really am. 

I KNEW this...

More than anything I AM INCREDIBLY CONTENT with what i have which is my cat, a roof over my head and a few clothes.

I have a friend I am staying with at the moment. 

I fell into living here with her. It was amazing how it all worked out. I am so grateful, it's been an amazing journey. It's lovingly benefited us both; although funny, I wouldn't have consciously'chosen' to be here.

Sometimes the people you love, you think would be there for you when you need them aren't able to; everyone has different coping mechanisms and ways they handle things;sometimes a person you thought was just an acquaintance turns out to an incredible soul; that the relationship just needed time to develop. She stepped in with her heart and gave it all she had with me. 

I am forever, deeply grateful...

I realize how much expectations we humans place on ourselves and others JUST TO SURVIVE A BODY that is NEVER GOING TO SURVIVE! 

We are not getting out of here alive...

This whole earth is set up to STRIVE, SURVIVE and to try and survive this human body that is going to DIE...accepting the fact that we ALL are moving through the transition of life and death everyday.

To honor and respect this journey we all are moving through is sacred.

So I realize SEEING the end in mind of what's most important. LIVING FROM MY HEART and ALLOWING the UNFOLDING of life as I DEEPLY SURRENDER INTO the 'infinite' Universal love surrounding and permeating this body mind.

Knowing the divine has a plan and my only responsibility is to live from this open, surrendered, available space in which love lives; love permeates all;

When the time has come, we all will be faced with OPENING our hearts and living from our hearts instead of our heads; and I believe that is our individual and global journey.

My heart was literally and figuratively ripped open to help me face myself.

God;love has a plan for your life and always has your back. 

We must trust and surrender that whatever is happening in each present moment is unfolding EXACTLY as it's suppose to. 

Our responsibility is to just ALLOW it to happen with a loving, open awareness, open heart in curiousity and celebration.

My life is UNFOLDING amazingly in so many new, miraculous way! 

As I open up to allow all possibilities, knowing that I am ONE with all of life. I am life, love itself!

Each moment is anew as I open to life and allow love to continuously flow through my vessel, my body; as I continue to SURRENDER and open; consciously saying 

YES to what is, what has been and what will be in each unfolding moment of this adventurous, experiential journey called life, here on earth! 

All of me, Anne Marie

Near Death Experience, Earthly Wisdom...

I contemplate and digest my Near Death experience again and again, as I know deeply the wisdom I was gifted

I know that what I experienced is for me to share with others; this indescribable divine love that surrounded me, engulfed me, totally merging with me; a love in which I was immersed in; a field which embraced all my fears, stories, memories, concepts. A field in which I felt totally safe to merge into.

A field in which I knew intuitively that I was; a field in which I was not seperate from, a field in which I AM; simply unaware of consciously. I AM this field of love.

As the body of "Anne' laid lifelss on the floor, surrendered; this love surrounded me and flowed through every cell of my being; intentionally all on it's own, without any effort on my part.  I was simply 'aware' that it was happening!

      

                              Immersed in Divine Love

Have you ever wondered how you can step into a life full of happiness and peace? I always have. Well, it doesn’t have to be a complex and insurmountable endeavor, and as a matter of fact, it can be rather simple providing you have the right understanding of the world around you; that surrounds you and that flows within you.

All you need to do is allow yourself to surrender and become completely immersed in the divine love which surrounds you 'consciously' and begin to place 'everything' that flows through your awareness into your heart. (memories, sensations, concepts, mind of thoughts, emotions, stories) INCLUDE everything into this field of love with you as you. 

Begin to 'merge' with all objects within you and around you within your heart.  

See yourself as a open vessel in which everything is simply either passing through or you are preventing from passing through; whatever is not allowed is your 'mind' saying 'NO", resisting, judging....simply welcome these experiences into your heart; you will see clearly through love; through your heart. Your heart awareness dissolves all seperation from this Divine Love.

The decision to live in this field of Love through allowing ourselves to 'experience' life through our heart.  A decision to moving our 'awareness' out of our head and into our heart.  Moving into our heart, opens our heart and opens the KEY to the field surrounding you and within.

Unknown to many, you are continually immersed in this Divine Love field 24/7. Mankind runs into problems when falsely believing we need to be in control. 

The mind thinks it's in control of everything, when the only thing we need the mind for is to make the 'conscious' commitment to 'EXPERIENCE' this Divine Love within, knowing we are immersed and part of it; we are it.

When we surrender and open into divine love, we then move effortlessly; intuitively happily within it.

In order to comprehend the all-consuming force of this Divine love I invite you to consider a fish’s relationship to water.

A fish lives its entire life completely immersed in water. The fish moves in and with the water, the water fills its body, the water provides food for the fish, and the fish would immediately die if taken out of the water. And yet, the fish cannot comprehend the vastness of the water, nor can it comprehend its powerful force. 

The fish will spend its entire life oblivious to the power the water holds, being immersed in the water. And unbeknown to the fish, the water is life itself. The fish is immersed in the very source of it's life. Simply 'unaware'.

Like the fish, you too are being held in a field that is the source of life – the field of divine love.

This field of Divine Love surrounds you, inhabits you, flows in and through you at all times.  To become 'conscious' of this is the 'secret' KEY to life which develops Trust within. When we 'consciously' connect to this field of Divine Love we become aware of our "Source" God;Love and for us humans we begin to feel more connected instead of disconnected.

You are created in the image and likeness of God.  God is love.

You too are held by a field much bigger then yourself and it is within this field that you experience your life as a human being. You see, this field offers you the most beautiful gift of all – a promise of eternal love. 

Yet, your human senses, your life experiences, and the life experiences of your ancestors, your accumulation of mind, all limit your ability to fully see and experience what this field offers. However, once you begin to really understand this field you will be on your way towards happiness and peace. 

As a human being you are bound to experience limitations as a result of your three dimensional understanding on the world. (Quantum Physicists have estimated that there are ten dimensions.) Given this, you cannot accurately perceive the field of divine love because divine love is bigger than all of us. 

Divine Love is the love that is of God-Source of all life and given this, it holds all dimensions. 

 All Life Comes From the Field

Have you ever wondered what force is behind a seed sprouting, the rising sun, or the life that begins once egg and sperm meet? 

It is within the field of divine love that all life begins - the field that God spoke it into being with his words – “Let there be light” – Genesis 1:3. 

It is this field that holds all life together and nourishes it in accord with God’s divine wisdom – a wisdom beyond your ability to understand with your human senses.

When you move freely within God; divine love, when you surrender to it like the flowers, the birds, the fish, and even the planets do, you will find yourself guided along the path best suited for your happiness and highest good.  

However, you have been given free will and the choice to choose divine love is up to you. It's always here, simply our conscious awareness is all it takes moment to moment that we are totally supported; embraced in this field of Love.

Once you surrender to the field of divine love then the pain, heartache, confusion, apathy, or any other emotion that is not of love, will be dissolved; you will find your heart, mind, soul return to this Divine Love.

I understand it may sound like an impossible feat to completely surrender into divine love, and maybe it sounds a little scary to you. 

After all, giving up total control of your life to an invisible, and perhaps unknown force can sound a little crazy. 

I’m sure the fish would agree! However, like the fish, we are surrounded and held by a living force much bigger then ourselves. 

Jesus Christ came so that we could come to love more, he has already shown us the way. The books of 1 John and John are both beautiful places to spend time when you are on the journey into divine love and I invite you to spend time with each.

 The Family Lineage

I believe one of the greatest ways we can surrender to divine love is found in the Ten Commandments – specifically the Fifth Commandment where we are called to honor our parents. 

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”

You see, all families on this earth have suffered pain, heartaches, and sorrows that extend across the generations. Modern science has now reveled to us in the study of transgenerational epigenetics, that traumas experienced by your ancestors have left an imprint on your DNA that affects you to this day. You see, things didn’t start with you and your body is likely carrying programming that was not your creation. Once you honor those who came before you with love, and this includes honoring your ancestors for what they have carried (the good and the bad), you begin to dissolve the non love within yourself.

 Return To Divine Love

You see, the field of divine love has but one law – each and every one of us are called to love (embrace, welcome, honor) all things at all times. 

The more you love, the deeper you will fall into the field. The more you will feel connected.

Once immersed in the field of divine love you will experience all the happiness and peace you could ever desire. You will find that your desire to surrender to the field of divine love will be met in equal measure to your ability to (welcome, embrace) love all others.

The ability to embrace oneself within; is the ability to embrace everyone and everything else in the field of love!  

Begin within welcoming and embracing every emotion, sensation, memory, thoughts, story, concept that arises and allow yourself to 'experience' all of life through your heart; this is the KEY that opens the door to OPENING into the DIVINE FIELD of LOVE.

 Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love  covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8 (NRSVCE)

Imagine this for a moment; that you are totally immersed in this 'love energy' just simply 'unaware' of it......like a fish in water.

What if your 'knowing' that you are surrounded by and immersed in this love at all times, every moment of your life; you are this love and everything in this field is love; simply movement flowing through this field.  Not good or bad, simply movement or non movement.

Imagine that being 'immersed' in this field of love energy that you 'push' and 'pull' towards objects or people, experiences...this push and pull creates suffering; lack of trust with this field of love; a disconnection. 

Wanting control over the water....how silly is that. 

This push/pull energy is called 'resistance'. What happens when you 'resist' the water?  It's much harder to move in the water. It's much harder to move in life when we are not 'consciously' immersed, surrendered into Divine love.

We are always immersed in it, but we are 'unconscious' of it.

I realize that it is our 'conscious' awareness of being immersed in Divine love that allows us to TRUST and SURRENDER into it as you would RELAX, TRUST & SURRENDER Into the water floating!  

 FLOATING THROUGH LIFE...

Imagine as you lay in bed or in grass, on floor, anywhere that you are totally 'surrendered' in this 'love'..

Imagine as you are floating in a pool of water that it is the same feeling as being 'immersed' in this Divine love........

Re-Experience this feeling of Divine Love that surrounds you as you feel the experience of being in the water, surrounded by the water, relaxing into the water, open and light as a feather.

This is our only conscious DECISION and COMMITMENT to make.  To KNOW this connection very intimately moment to moment, and allow this connection to guide us moment to moment!

Our 'identification' has been placed on this bodymind for survival and has disconnected us from our Source; divine love; in which all of our abundance, health, love and happiness exist. Our birthright is of perfection, having everything, having perfect health, knowing we are abundance and love; happiness.

This is the cause of all our suffering!!!!!! This disconnect from the Divine Love that we are, surrounded in and created in..

SImply become 'Consciously aware' that this Divine love energy exists. Make a commitment to rest in this field; to experience this Divine field of love.

Open yourself into this field as if you were 'surrendering'  opening your arms wide open floating on your back; laying in the grass or making snow angels.  It's this 'opening' that allows you to experience Divine Love field. Simply 'relax' into something greater than yourself!

Open and feel the Divine Love flowing around you and through you.  Make this your meditation practice.  Connecting to the Divine Love that inhabits you.  The Source of all creation. 

Imagine or remember an experience of sitting in a hot tub, where you were so relaxed and simply let go of everything. You were open and 'knew' nothing mattered.  

This is what it feels like to be connected in the field.

Relax deeply and connect to this Divine Love that surrounds you and bring all that arises in your mind into your heart (the Divine love lives within you)

IMAGINE EVERYTHING is this FIELD of LOVE ENERGY vibrating. 

Everything is created from and in this field of love that we call God. Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent.

Even in the midst of heartache and suffering it is divine love that permeates each and every cell of your being, continually offering itself love. It is  simply our ignorace that blocks us from the awareness of this field. Simply move your attention into your heart and allow life to flow through you, whatever is arising moment to moment!

We are this field, we have everything NOW, believing that we don't, we believe in 'seperation' from this field  Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent and therefore we live out our lives seperate, in lack, wanting control and suffering.

KNOWING that we are and always have been connected with this field of love; simply ignorant of it is the journey home.  

The return to Source, Divine Love. WE ARE WORTHY, WE ARE THE FIELD, WE ARE ALWAYS CONNECTED and NEVER SEPERATED, it is only through our belief in our mind....

This knowing returns us to trust, allowing, openess, relaxing.

We are the PERFECTION of the field of love.  Perfect health, abundance and love.  We are 'seperate' from NOTHING.....

WE ARE EVERYTHING, WE HAVE EVERYTHING and are ONE WITH EVERYTHING ALWAYS, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN and ALWAYS WILL BE! AMEN!

It is my intention to help others on their journey of Opening, Trusting and EXPERIENCING the FIELD of LOVE.

Living moment to moment opening into Divine Love; 

When we are open and 'consciously aware' of the Divine Love that surrounds us, 

we are able to move intuitvely through life as we welcome everything that arises into our minds into our heart, we allow ourselves to 'experience' life through our heart and move our attention there instead of residing in our top heavey 'head'.

We begin to live in the body 'aware' of the body, yet also aware, we are this 'field' of Divine Love, we are not the body, we simply become a vessel of this Divine Love to express through.

Consciously living in this Divine Love field, opens you to your internal intuitive guidance; where you move effortlessly in life.

Seemingly being in the right and perfect place and time.

Always having what you need as you need it.

Feeling of deep trust, connection, oneness with all of life within and around.  

 EXPERIENCE YOURSELF AS THE FIELD

In your mind, in this moment say 'Relax'; begin to deeply relax within your body more and more, place your attention on your breath, follow the in and out flow, simply aware of the life of love that flows through you.  It's coursing it's way through your vessel.

Become in tune with this life, this love that operates your vessel.

Feel it flowing through you, feel it expanding, surrounding you, simply rest in the field of love as you relax deeper and deeper. Simply feel the gratitude of this life, love that flows through you, that surrounds you; sustains your bodymind.

Place your attention on your heart and allow your mind to do it's thing, to have it's say.  

You simply 'invite' the mind to come into this field of love with you.  Into your heart. The mind believes in seperation, not enough and suffering. Dissolving this seperation through your loving attention through your heart; brings you back into the feeling this Divine love; which strengthens your awareness of this Divine 

Love flowing through you and surrounding you at all times; through this strengthening of your awareness of who you truly are; you simply become the witness; observor of it all.

\Invite the mind (past/future) into this loving embrace of love, whatever it's trying to do; figure out, understand, keep safe. Simply observe the mind operating in this way; 

Mind=calculator, wants to protect, understand and is limited to past experience and analyzes future experiences and is limited. wants everything known.

Mind is afraid of the unknown and uncertainty and it thinks it's job is to protect and control, but it's to be INCLUDED in this love and thanked for doing what it does.

Simply invite the mind and all it's doing into this divine love within your heart! Whatever it's saying, yapping.

Bring the mind and all it's concepts, stories, memories, thoughts, feelings, resistances, aversions, wants, dislikes, likes into this unconditional embrace of love that you are.

Invite the mind and include it into this open, expansive, infinite love that I am.

The NUMBER ONE GOAL is always to 'DEEPEN and EXPAND" connection to this love and awareness of this love that I AM; to notice and observe my main point of identification

Mind and body are ONE, they are not seperate in this unconditional love; they are both part of this love and made of this love! Invite, include, allow, embrace, welcome, merge everything in this love!

Focus and follow the Breath welcoming the effortless flow of breath in and out; all on it's own, it's effortlessly flowing through you; BREATHE into this uncondtional love in your heart!

Allow your heart to experience life 'through' you, as you, for you!

What if like in the 'Matrix' we just need to be plugged in and consciously 'connect' then everything 'effortlessly' flows from our connection with Divine Love! 

This love flows through us and surrounds us always.  What if 'Gratitude' for this Divine Love that surrounds us, us, lives through us, embraces us, encompasses us and totally supports sustains us, strengthens us and is us; is all we need?  

Gratitude for being 'immersed' in this earthly body of Divine Love for a while; called a life. This gratitude helps to open and soften our hearts into our divine love within.

The biggest embrace of love you'll ever make is to embrace yourself completely. Then you'll realize you've just embraced the whole universe, and everything and everybody in it. ~Adyashanti\

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