Sunday, January 03, 2010

Death Does Not End Life


"I recently completed your book, 'The New Children and Near-Death Experiences,' as part of my own personal research this summer in an attempt to provide answers (answers that I am afraid are impossible to actually get) as to where my twin baby girls are.

"I know you are a very busy woman, and according to the website, unlikely to see this e-mail anytime soon - but I felt compelled to reach out to you, something I usually don't do. I read a part of your book that discussed when consciousness enters into the physical form during development in the womb. I was hoping maybe you could provide more, specifically on this point. Nearly three years ago to the day, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. We had just moved out of state to a town where we knew no one. I was working full time. My husband was embarking on school, and we had a 2 1/2 year old little boy. We had our hands full. The pregnancy was unusual from the start and demanded that I be given an ultrasound as soon as possible (my first pregnancy had ended in miscarriage at seven weeks, so I was very nervous). The ultrasound revealed at nine weeks that I was carrying twins and that they were sharing a placenta. Later ultrasound at 16 weeks showed that they were girls (we named them Emme - which is Hawaiian for 'love,' and Josi, which means 'God made room for one more'). At 18 weeks we were diagnosed with Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), with Josi being the donor twin and Emme being the receiver. At 20 weeks I flew to Texas for a procedure that had the potential of correcting the placental problem. At 23 weeks I had the procedure, which unfortunately, was unsuccessful, and in the process we made the decision to 'interrupt' Emme's pregnancy in order to give Josi the best chance for survival. I flew home two days later, and six days after that (I was 24 weeks pregnant), I went into preterm labor (it was Christmas Eve) and delivered Josi on Christmas morning. Officially, she had a faint pulse after delivery, but was pronounced dead soon after.

"Dr. Atwater, I have spent the past three years wondering why. Why didn't all the prayer work? Why weren't they saved? Did they suffer? Did they know how hard I tried and how much faith I had? I am having a very hard time recovering. I do not much subscribe to those who put off my girls as simply 'they were not meant to be' - because they very much were 'being,' I know. I felt them. My little girl, Quinn, was conceived three months after the loss of my twins. Her due date was originally one day before the loss of Emme and one week before Christmas (she ended up coming two weeks early). I want to enjoy her for her, so much. But I keep getting hung up. What is so odd is that Quinn's time of conception is actually exactly when my husband and I had originally planned to try for our next child - so like clockwork. She is such an interesting little girl. She just turned 19 months old, so unlike her brother or my husband, or myself. She is just a beautiful mystery. I hope maybe one day, she will tell me something about my twins - as some of the experiencers you discuss in your book were able to see, talk to, or meet their "spirit" siblings. I guess my questions are these: did my girls possess consciousness prior to their deaths? Will I see them again? if they have been moved to another life will I not be granted the opportunity to know them?

"Thank you, Dr. Atwater. I thoroughly enjoyed your book and the glimpse of what could be beyond was very comforting."...Mim


Mim, no one can answer your questions. Not really. Not even mediums. But I can give you something to think about.

Missing twins, or twins that died, tend to show up in near-death experiences of either the mother or the father, sometimes in those of siblings. You have read "The New Children and Near-Death Experiences" so you already know that. When they show up in these episodes, they are always alive with light, bright, clear, happy and healthy looking, and more than ready to comfort their loved ones and just "be around" for a while. Sometimes they appear as children. Most of the time they appear at the age they would have been now had they lived.

From what I have seen, I have no hesitation in saying that death does not end life. On some level, somewhere, your twins are very much alive in spirit. Why they came and then left so abruptly is the sticking point, because I cannot say why they left. Perhaps there was something for you to learn from the experience. Perhaps there was something they needed to learn from the experience. You know, we usually think in terms of our own needs and comforts, and not in terms of theirs - those who left us. They are learning and growing too, not just us. It is appropriate to say - maybe they needed this experience. Even if you never know the real "why," you can know this: their coming and going was no accident. As you put it so well, these children were loved, and they came on waves of love. Please know that, maybe, just maybe, they left on wings of love. Love brought them in. Love let them go. Mothers learn this sooner or later - that love fulfills itself, that love alone is enough. Our ideas about love, what we want, what we expect, is not what love is or how it functions. Love, true love, obeys a Higher Law and a Greater Calling.

I would never say "it was meant to be." Who knows if that was the case? It is more honest to say, "Love fulfilled itself and it's own calling with my babies. In love and deep gratitude, I bless the existence they once had and I bless the foreverness in spirit they have always had and still do. I know that someday I will see them again, know them, in whatever form is best at whatever time is blessed. I thank them for their brief visit and I release them for the continuance of their Highest Good. I have gained from them. They have gained from me. Thank you God for the deep mysteries of life and of death, and for the privilege of being a conduit of life's blessedness in all its glory and wonder."

In my book, "We Live Forever," I talk a lot about the soul and how it has its own agenda. We as personalities have an awareness that is unique to us. But on the soul level, that higher part of us, there is a knowingness that transcends what we can conceive of. It is on the level of soul that answers lie. I urge you to read that book, and, of the cases I present, pay special attention to the two girls who died in an automobile accident just before they were to graduate from high school. Their story will help you to better understand and appreciate the soul level and how it operates. What we call a tragedy, the master calls a butterfly (I believe this phrase came from the book, "Illusions," by Richard Bach--well worth reading).

You already have two dear children. Give them a chance and they will show you what love is. It is no accident that two left. And, it is no accident that two have stayed. You and your husband are blessed, Mim. Two in bodies, two in spirit. Such Grace. When they ask me about my grandchildren, I always say I have four wearing bodies and one in spirit. This is the truth. Don't ever deny truth. Spirit is just as lively as bodies are, and just as loving. Blessings, PMH


*** For Child Experiencers of Near-Death States: Jenny Moores, MA, is still looking for volunteers for her doctoral study. If you are interested in being a part of this work, contact her at or call her at (559) 801-2381.

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